My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
