Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
