i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
