ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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