I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
