And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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