Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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