just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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