Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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