Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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