Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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