I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
