Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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