its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
