someone get that fucking seahorse.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
