Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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