I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
