I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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