HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
