Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
