And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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