apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
