You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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