Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
