he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
