I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
