Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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