Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
