They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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