i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
