Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
