dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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