Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
