Michael Bay diarrhea
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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