i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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