I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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