Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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