6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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