...so i touched it.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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