Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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