I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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