Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
