Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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