Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
