I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
