i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
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Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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