Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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