Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
