finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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