dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
