i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
