not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
