I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
