those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
