when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
