no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
