I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
