this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We have started to decorate penises.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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