there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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