happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
