Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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