I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
