Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
