we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
