I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
