he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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