I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
