Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
