I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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